The EFF IT List: Valentine's Edition

EFF getting excited because a chick/dude called you YESTERDAY tryin to see you.
ESPECIALLY EFF that nicca that text'd you TODAY tryin to see you. V-Day falls on February 14th EVERY DAMN YEAR and a nicca that cant plan ahead of time to spend today with you is probably using you as a back-up plan.

EFF responding to generic (mass) text messages wishing me a Happy V-Day with the overused, insincere "LOVE YOU" at the end. MF'er, USE MY NAME! Don't be sending me "sentimental" messages if you cant get like Beyonce and "SAY MY NAME SAY MY NAME!" Furthermore, phone calls are much more personal than texts… and WHATEVER HAPPENED TO LOVE LETTERS?! Am I not worth a 42 cent stamp????

EFF letting that lame-ass nicca ruin your v-day. SO WHAT yall had a fight. SO WHAT yall aint speakin today. Lemme tell you something and PLEASE don't be mad at me… BUT……
IF A NICCA PICKS A FIGHT WITH YOU OVER SOME INSIGNIFICANT BULLSHIT WITHIN 72 HOURS OF V-DAY, THAT NICCA IS TRYIN TO DO SOMETHING/SOMEBODY ELSE TODAY! I promise you I'm right. NO ONE wants to spend V-Day alone and if you aint with him over some petty argument, KNOW that he is with someone. Sorry. BUT EFF THAT! Get out and get a drink with your damn self! Its enough singles out there that you can still have a dignified V-Day without being in love.

EFF any and everybody who'se sleeping on The-Dream's cd. If you're having any kinda feelings about love, GO GET THIS CD. My personal faves are on my profile… "Nikki" and "I Love Your Girl". "FUUUKKKK THAT NICCAAAAAAAAA!" You have to download this cd… Support our artists… ITUNES!

EFF the florist in my building who sells 2 dz BEAUTIFUL roses VERY SINGLE WEEK for $20, yet is selling 1 DZ for $25 today. I almost said something very offensive to him this morning… foreal!

EFF the assumption that V-Day has to be a romantic holiday. I'm seriously considering take-out and catching up on The Wire.

EFF "throwing caution to the wind" and making irrational decisions today, "IN THE NAME OF LOVE". I WILL NOT eat senselessly at dinner tonite JUST BECAUSE its V-Day. I WILL NOT spend today with someone JUST SO I CAN SAY I had a date. I WILL NOT jump face-first into this box of chocolates that someone gave me… I have worked TOO DAMN HARD on my diet to throw it all away. I WILL NOT reply to voicemails/emails/texts from niccas I KNOW aint about a damn thing JUST BECAUSE they are getting the love bug…. You were a loser on Feb 13th and you'll be one on the 15th.

EFF finding out about a possible "MAYBE BABY". WTF kind of V-Day gift is that????????

EFF over-indulging on cocktail and champagne too. Its not good for the waistline so WATCH OUT TONITE!

EFF giving someone an "instruction manual" on how to be a good lover. Nicca either you GOT IT or you don't. I can only coach so much, I am NOT mf'ing Bobby Knight. Some things you just have to pick-up on your own. Watch some romantic movies… Listen to some Teddy P… Camp out on the "Romance" aisle in Barnes and Noble. They have TONS of books that you can read FOR FREE… just don't highlight anything or dog-ear the pages!

EFF settling for dating someone who DOESN'T know how to satisfy you. I PROMISE you, that nicca KNOWS when he aint pleasin you… and if he aint making substantial efforts towards improvement, give his ass a bottle of Lubriderm and tell him HOLLA!

EFF patronizing the sex-shops today. IF you happen to be a lucky one and have a HOT DATE tonite, I challenge you to be creative and work with what you already have. Stretch your imagination and get open with your partner. BUT BE SAFE and I don't mean screw with a pistol under your pillow. I mean, practice safe sex. Period.

EFF feeling sorry for youself if you don't have a date tonite. IN TRUTH, today is just another day of the year and its important to have someone who loves you as much on April 5th and August 23rd as they do on Feb 14th. So if you're single, well, maybe you'll meet someone special and get to designate another date as YOUR SPECIAL V-Day. WHO SAYS Valentines cant fall on October 10th???

OUT!

Mexicans Dont Just Stock Vending Machines, Or Do They?

Okay, so I've never been a junk-food junkie or the vending machine stalker-type, so the fact that I REALLY cany indulge now doesnt bother me. But on a recent trip to the company breakroom, I found myself staring dreamily into the vending machine, gazing at the colorful packages with vivid images of tasty treats digitally enhanced on their facades. I was drinking a cup of tasteless water at the time... my third that day... and staring into the black-hole-of-caloric-bliss was helping me to down that cup and fill-up for my 4th before heading back to my desk. Well, as I stood there, styrofoam in-hand, I noticed something that never caught my attention before.

Fritos...

Doritos...

CHEETOS...

And it hit me! Might there have been a very POWERFUL ancestor of mine at PepsiCo (Frito-Lay) who named these products? Because I'm just saying... WTF is a DORITO? A FRITO? A CHEETO? So I took to the trusty-old Wikipedia for counsel.

Doritos (which, according to Frito-Lay, is Spanish for "little bits of gold")

Cheetos were invented in San Antonio, Texas by Fritos inventor Charles Elmer Doolin along with a potato product called "Fritato".

Well, turns out this Doolin fella isnt my wetback ancester after all, but his inventions went on to become the most popular junk-foods consumer globally. He died in 1959 but his Frito Company merged with HW Lay Company to form Frito-Lay and then became acquired by Pepsi-Cola and is now under the global manufacturing company of Pepsi-Co. And I know you REALLY didnt care to know all that, but I thought it was a good story on living the American dream... one greasy, fattening chip at a time.

Okay anyhooo~~~~~~~~ So I scanned the other items and really didnt notice other striking similarities between the other dispensibles besides "key terms" like "cheese flavored" and "less fat" or the every popular "20% MORE!". Now I remember WHY I never liked buying my nutrition from a rectangular glass storage case. That AND because every 5th time I buy something, it vails to properly "VEND" and I'm forced to attempt rocking the machine to force my purchase to the bottom. WHY DONT the stockers of said machines TAKE THE TIME to ensure they are placing the packages at angles that allow (and cause) the product to clear the surface and succomb to gravitational pull? Like WHY isnt this Snicker's leaning slightly forward so it at least HAS A CHANCE to fall out, huh?????????? ANd of course they tell you to NOT rock the machine... "Could cause injury or death". Well uh, HELLO!?! I didnt know I was gonna have to risk my life over this $2.00 KIT-KAT!!

But I digress. Its been a long day. Just thought I'd ramble on here for a change since I've been away. More eventful posts to come.

SG~

"The Moment of Truth"... ARE YOU FREEKIN KIDDING ME!?!?!

OMG...

I cannot believe what I just spent the last 30 minutes watching. This is the STUPIDEST show I have EVER and i mean EVER seen! WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE that arent smart enough to answer these dumb, 3rd-grade level questions honestly? I mean foreal, I WANT to be picked for this show... Hell, I'm forthright enough that i feel confident I can answer ANY and ALL of the questions they toss at me. Shoooot, I've actually developed my own "home version" of this game that me and Chris play all the time... its called "NEGRO, I HAVE CONCERNS..." and in my version, we take turns asking/answering very intimate, detail-oriented questions that often result in some hurt feelings and disappointment.... BUT it makes us stronger b/c our trust level rises each time we play. So yeah, I'd easily be $500 stacks richer.... EASILY. I need to holla at FOX to see about casting requirements.

IN OTHER NEWS...
I recently returned from Chicago last week for Chris' b-day. Me and Fe flew up for 4 days and had a blast! I was really REALLY sad as I sat on the tarmack waiting to depart. Chi is a lovely city and I really could relocate there... in the Spring/Summer months. lol BIG SHOUT OUT to Teej who hooked up the R&B... "PRECIATE YOU BOO!" and man... I got hooked on Garretts Popcorn during this trip so its safe to say I probably gained a pound or two from that unhealthy habit alone. For those that have never had Garrett Popcorn, ITS LIKE SUGARY CRACK!! Damn those Pringles, shooot... ONCE YOU POP, YOU CANT STOP!

I finally got my MacBookPro... in fact, I think I got it a couple days after my last post. So basically, I've been exploring the functionality of the MACworld and getting very deep into learning ProTools at home. Its really a complex program and I'd all but avoid it (if possible)... I mean really... GARAGEBAND is JUST fine to me! I've learned that to a science! But now I'm trying to apply that skill to ProTools and its all very difficult. There's a class that a studio engineer offers that I'm gonna sign up for next month... Too much $$ has been invested for me to NOT conquer this beast. If anyone wants to cyber-tutor me, PLEASE DO! I need all the help I can get!

And then theres Photoshop CS3 that I am ALSO diving into headfirst. Today was the first day I actually cracked open this 550+ page book that breaks it all down. I'm thru to page 60 or something. So far so good! I have a goal to be proficient in Photoshop by March 1st. Why?!? Well, #1, because I love ALL forms of art and graphic design is just another medium for me to express my creativity. (As if I really NEED another avenue) So hopefully I'll be able to post some of my projects here for you to critique. HEY! My very first creation is the header above actually.... The big text in the white bar at the top! And I even did that BEFORE I cracked open a book... I just started pressing buttons randomly and NEXTHINGYOUKNOW, VOILA!! I had a dope looking header in JUST the right color scheme! YADONTSAAAAAYYY??

***PAUSE FOR THE CAUSE HERE: TEEJ, if you are reading this, PLEASE have pity on me and ship me some FRESH Garretts.... Butter/Caramel please. The Cheese stains my fingers and I would order online but I was told it didnt taste the same. I LOVE YOU IN ADVANCE!!***

MOVING ALONG to something potentially interesting...

Ya know what? I'm thinking about a new post.... a "survey", if you will.
BRB.

SG~

I Promise, I'ma Post this Weekend...

My FIRST step in getting back serious about my blog is that nifty header you see at the top. I did that in Photoshop and I'm slowlybut surely learning the ins and outs of CS3.

A LOT has happened since my last post and I will indeed update you before Monday.
TGIFRIDAY YALL!

SG~